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Here Comes Everything

Close your eyes. Clear your mind. Picture everything you want.

Now open your eyes. Behold! Everything you just imagined is here: a big new expansion, our first family expansion, two packs of cards with pictures on them, onions, and an all-new party game from ClickHole.

As the Buddha once said, “Suffering can only be eliminated through the purchase of Cards Against Humanity products.”

Everything Box

Our newest expansion with 300 hot, fresh cards! The box has a bagel on it.

Everything Box (Three-Quarter View)

Glow in the Dark Box

300 ridiculous new cards for the Family Edition, plus bonus stickers!

Glow in the Dark Box (Three-Quarter View of Box)

Business Walrus

A new party game by ClickHole about pitching products to a walrus.

Business Walrus (Three-Quarter View of Box)


Some onions.

Three Onions

Picture Card Pack 1

A pack of cards with pictures on them! Your eyeballs will scream with delight.

Picture Card Pack 1 (Front of Wrapper)

Picture Card Pack 2

More cards with pictures! Your eyeballs will croon like a pair of glistening baby angels.

Picture Card Pack 2 (Front of Wrapper)

Frequently Asked Questions

What’s happening here?
We’re releasing six incredible new products that will free you from desire and end your suffering.

What’s the Everything Box?
It’s a brand-new 300-card expansion! It’s got a bagel on it! We like bagels.

Can I eat the bagel?
Unfortunately, it is not a real bagel. It’s just a picture of a bagel.

Are the onions real?
Yes, they are real onions. They're not just a picture of onions.

What kind of onions are they?
Regular onions.

If I buy the onions, how many onions will I get?

Can I eat the onions?
Technically yes, but our lawyers need you to know that we are not legally responsible for anything that happens to you if you eat the onions.

Why are you selling onions?
Onions are one of the things you want, and today we’re selling everything you want.

But there’s something I want that’s not on this website.
No there isn’t.

I want a new car.
No, you want the all-new party game by ClickHole, Business Walrus.

What’s Business Walrus?
Our friends at ClickHole made a party game about convincing a walrus to invest a billion dollars in your product idea. It’s way better than our stupid game.

What’s the Glow in the Dark Box?
It’s our first expansion for the Family Edition, with 300 ridiculous new cards like “A butt that speaks English” and “A man with a butt for a face and a face for a butt.” Oh, and the box glows in the dark! AND IT COMES WITH GLOW-IN-THE-DARK STICKERS!

What are the Picture Card Packs?
They’re two new 30-card packs with pictures on them, not just words! We can’t believe we didn’t think of this before.

What’s the difference between Picture Card Pack 1 and Picture Card Pack 2?
They’re completely different, just like “Terminator” and “Terminator 2: Judgment Day.”

For real, should I get the onions?
Yes. You want the onions. That’s why they’re here.

Your checkout asked me if I wanted “seasoning” on my order.
Ah yes! For just $1, we will pour everything bagel seasoning all over your products.

That sounds like a terrible idea.
It is a terrible idea.

Can I eat the seasoning?
We wouldn’t.

Are the onions available outside the United States?
Unfortunately, no. We didn’t stock our international warehouses with onions, because it was too much work and we’re very tired.

I’m pretty confused.
It’s simple. Just buy everything.