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This year, 150,000 customers signed up for Cards Against Humanity’s Eight Sensible Gifts for Hanukkah. As part of our mission to advance our understanding of the human condition, we gave each subscriber the chance to answer some extremely invasive and ethically dubious survey questions.

Our hope was to find a Malcolm Gladwell-esque correlation between two seemingly unrelated things. At first we didn’t find anything like that in the data. But then we p-hacked our way to statistical significance, and we couldn’t believe our eyes when we found...

30 Incredible True Facts About Donald Trump Supporters’ Penises That You Have To See To Believe

Here comes the science!

There’s nothing more exciting to idiots on the internet than fishing spurious correlations out of unreliable, non-representative datasets and then sharing them in easily consumable infographics. Look at you, you’re reading this right now! You fucking love this.

Take a look at these literally unbelievable conclusions that we found. Faith in humanity restored!