'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; I sat up in bed with a gleam in my eye, Hoping to peep on St. Nick in the sky.
Then all of a sudden I heard a great crash, And whom did I spy all covered in ash? It was jolly old Santa, that corpulent elf, With a sack full of presents to place ‘neath my shelf.
I noticed a package so shiny and black, With Helvetica typeface and crisp plastic wrap; ‘Twas Cards ‘Gainst Humanity that Santa did hold-- The very same version that Amazon sold!
“Please, Santa,” I urged, “won’t you stay for a joke And sample this card game for horrible folk?” How his red cheeks went white as he plucked up a card And read “Ho ho… jerking off into a pool of children’s tears?!”
Santa died on the spot with a grimace of pain As a wee little vessel did burst in his brain; The reindeer went feral, they ran and they bucked And were smash’d by a FedEx delivery truck.
Cards Against Humanity is back. Ruin the holidays for your loved ones for just $25:
